Blessings

It's so easy in life to focus on the negative, to get wrapped up in the bad and the ugly so that the good is that much harder to see. I've been experiencing it at work quite a lot recently as we struggle with the upcoming holiday schedule. But as I have found myself sucked into this negative spiral I'm realizing that it doesn't really help things. Mostly it just makes me feel worse about the things that are bothering me anyway. So I keep trying to focus on the good and the things that make me happy and in the meantime keep up the search for a job where I don't have to work weekends and nights and holidays but that will satisfy me both professionally and financially. It doesn't help of course that I love what I do; I just wish the hours and the schedule were better.

Came home last week from work and found them snuggled

So today I am blessed by bedtime. Usually bedtime is a time of strife in our home. It's a time of frayed tempers and crying and the end of patience. Both of my children appear to be allergic to soap the way they carry on when you attempt to clean their little bodies and when you attempt to corral them into a relaxed mood prior to bedtime typically hyperactivity is the main result. I know routine is good for toddlers but the bathing and trying to read them a story while they attempt to wrestle or climb all over you gets tiresome day in and day out; and to think I only have to do it 4 nights a week! So you may be surprised that today I am counting it as one of my blessings.

Usually I can handle bathtime and storytime but now the boys want us to lay with them until they fall asleep. Usually I have things I need to do, dishes, laundry and a host of chores that are easier accomplished without little helpers so as I lay with them my mind is running with all the things that I could be doing instead of laying there waiting for a child to fall asleep and the anxiety/resentment starts to build. Plus by the end of the day I am pretty touched out and really all want is a few moments of peace and quiet where no one is invading my personal space. Now you may say cry it out but I say you haven't seen James cry it out. We tried it! We tried the Ferber method, we tried the gentle sleep method, we have tried everything that our doctor could think of to try but the reality is that James cannot seem to fall asleep on his own. He freaks out and then he screams for hours and hours and hours and then nobody sleeps. So we lay with him until he falls asleep... but as I have said it isn't the greatest solution all around.

Love how their feet are tangled together...

Tonight as I held him and nursed him he didn't fall asleep- usually not a good sign but then he said "go lay Xander." So we trouped into Xander's room and all three snuggled into bed together along with the menagerie of stuffed animals(at current count Xander requires at least 4 and James 2- this was my attempt to get James to bond with a lovey for sleep...didn't work out so well in my favor). And as we snuggled together, instead of focusing on the dishes that are filling my sink and the fact that 2 of my kitchen counters can literally not be seen under the piles of stuff right now, I was able to turn my mind to the warmth of their little hands in mine and their breath on my face. I could feel their bodies soften as sleep began to take hold and smile as they wrapped their arms around each other. I thought all was lost when James chirped "my boo-boo hurts" but Xander just turned to him and said "I kiss it better." And they lay there kissing each other's boo-boos until they were all better. I think a few boo-boo were made up for extra kisses. It was the most precious thing to see them love each other like that. Being there with them, holding them, watching them love each other so spontaneously, somehow made it not matter that I have chores to do.

So that is how I am blessed today. If you would like to read about others blessings visit Gretchen's blog here.