It's been one month since we lost our baby. It's hard for me to believe that it has actually been that long because in some ways the loss still feels so new and yet at the same time like I have been living with it forever. Last week I was cleaning out my closet and I had to move the teddy bear that I bought for the baby. When we were in Burlington I bought each of the kids a teddy, including the one on the way. It has 2 bows around it's neck- one saying It's a Boy and one saying It's a Girl. I thought how fun it would be to take a picture of the baby and the bear with the appropriate bow to announce the baby's gender. Now I am not sure what to do with that bear. I can't get rid of it but keeping it is hard too. It's tucked away in it's box in a closet upstairs and I guess it will stay there for awhile anyway.
I found out in the last 2 weeks that 2 of my close friends are having babies and they are both due around the time Poppy would have been. I'm happy for them but it hurts. I hope that I can look at their babies and not wonder what my baby would have been like.
The part of me that was so angry has mostly eased- now I just feel sad.